Preparing for adulthood - before age 16

Starting as soon as you can bear it, but preferably before age 16 (perhaps when your kid enters high school), here are some practical activities you might consider.

Some of these are easy, some of them are hard, most of them will take that precious commodity we call "time". And no, I didn't do them all, but I don't regret the time it took out of my life to do them, just that I didn't do some of them early enough.

WHAT: Give serious thought to who is in your kid’s life. Make as broad a list as possible – your kid’s hair dresser, the guy at the gaming store, that great EA from school, the summer camp helper, a friendly neighbour, volunteers at community programs your kid attends, classmates and team-mates, etc. Make a conscious effort to ensure your kid is in circumstances where that list can grow, whether that be through participating in more extra-curricular activities,  joining a group or club,  joining a church or other religious organization, volunteering in the community, etc.

WHY: Professionals and para professionals can help you develop a circle of support, but they’ll rely in part on your identifying people your kid already engages with. And even if you don’t get help developing such a circle, the people on your list are valuable resources you should be aware of.

WHAT: Make a will, including provisions for a Henson Trust and naming a guardian for your kid, preferably working with a lawyer who has experience in this area.

WHY: Life doesn’t always progress as we think it will. It’s not a fun exercise, but it’s a necessary one. Note that guardianship is a tricky issue for dependent adults.

WHAT: Take a look at your employment situation.

WHY: Depending on the level of support your kid will need and your family, financial, and community resources, you may need some flexibility in your work schedule, particularly during the time of transition from school to life.

WHAT: Get your kid a passport.

WHY: It’s a useful piece of formal identification, especially for those who may not get a driver’s license. Note that for purposes of passports, an “adult” is 16 years old.

WHAT:  Get your kid a SIN.
WHY: It’s needed for the RDSP and/or for submitting taxes and receiving ODSP, if they qualify, when they turn 18. 

WHAT: Consider starting an RDSP.          

WHY:  It’s an important way to help secure your kid’s future. Note that I say “consider” because, in my circumstance, we chose to delay opening the RDSP until my son was close to turning 18: since his income is taken into account for the RDSP rules, that means he is getting the maximum government contribution. Consult an expert to make sure you’re making the decision that’s best for you. It was our experience that opening the RDSP before 18 was somewhat simpler, and the parent(s) can remain on the account once that 18th birthday comes.

WHAT: Start teaching your kid to buy and prepare their own food.

WHY:  If your kid qualifies for ODSP when they turn 18, the ability to buy/prepare food can be used to support the claim that they qualify for the “shelter portion” of the funds (assuming they pay you some form of rent while remaining in the family home), which provides them with more money.  Plus it’s useful for life in general.

WHAT: Track down a copy of Connections:  A Guide to Transition Planning or one of the other documents mentioned in the transition planning resources post of this blog and do some of the things those documents recommend.

WHY:  Information in the Connections book about accessing services is out of date, but the rest of the document is very helpful and timely. Lots of checklists and concrete actions you can take.

WHAT: If it’s been a while since your kid had a psychological assessment, ask the school to have one done.

WHY: A current assessment might be necessary to have them deemed eligible for adult supports, services and funding.   

WHAT: Get a sense of your kid’s abilities outside the academic domain (life skills, employment skills). Some of the transition resources in the transition planning resources post in this blog have checklists, and there’s an entire post about skill assessment tools too.

WHY: As parents it is difficult to recognize what our kid can and can’t do outside the domain of school. Having neutral checklists can make the task easier

WHAT: Begin giving your child as much responsibility as possible, including participating in all sorts of decision making that relate to their life (what kind of sandwich to eat for lunch, which shirt to buy, the order in which chores are to be done).

WHY: Particularly for those of us who parent a kid with numerous challenges, it is all too easy to fall into the trap of expediency, doing things for them, making decisions for them that seem routine and harmless. However, it’s difficult to promote independence in someone who hasn’t been given the opportunity to make decisions, and live with the consequences.

WHAT: Help your child become more money-aware. Pay them for household chores or, if you disagree with this approach, find some other way for them to earn money. Set some basic rules for funds received vas gifts: a portion to savings, a portion to savings (and a portion for charity, if you’re so inclined).  Look for opportunities for them to save money for a desired object or item.  As a bonus, if my experience is anything to go by, nothing teaches math skills like a strong desire to buy something for which one has to save.

WHY: The ability to handle money is critical to independence. As with decision-making, we sometimes fail to allow our kids control over their own funds, even if that means they learn some hard lessons: better those lessons are learned young, when there are lots of supports in place.

WHAT: Figure out a way to judge the amount of support your kid needs (1:1, 1:3, 1:5, 1:7, 1:12, etc.). If you can find a way to test this, through community programs, do so.

WHY: The less support they need, the more (and less expensive) the programs available to them as an adult. It’s better to be aware of the challenges now than to be surprised later. Also, this information will be used to match up your kid with funded programs. (To be explained in later articles about the DSO.)

WHAT: Apply for the Disability Tax Credit.

WHY: Even if you feel that as a parent you don’t need or want this credit, it’s a precondition for your kid applying for an RDSP and, once they turn 18 but remain a dependent, allows you to take advantage of ongoing tax credits. Warning: I have no legal or financial experience or training and, by some standards, am pretty much innumerate. Consult a professional.

WHAT: If you live in Toronto, acquire the TTC Support Person Card.

WHY: It allows you or another adult to travel free with your kid. This is, among other things, enormously helpful for TTC training purposes.

WHAT: Review the recreation and other activities, including Parks and Recreation, your kid participates to see if they have any age cutoffs/restrictions and, if necessary, seek out alternatives that will span the teen and adult years.
WHY: In my view, the only secret to successful transitions is to change things a little at a time. The more things you can keep the same after 18 (even if they have to change at age 21), the easier it will be for your kid. 

NOTE: You will notice that “talk to your school about transition planning” is not on this list, although legally your kids’ IEP has to have a “transition planning” page on it once they turn 14. In my experience, schools have enough trouble educating our kids appropriately and although in a perfect world they would have much to contribute to the transition process, that’s not a world I’ve ever visited, let alone lived in.